It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, much has taken place over the past few months.  A week from today I will officially be living in Midlothian, VA.  God has been doing great things, often times in spite of me and my mistakes.  I started thinking back on the journey he has taken me on and I thought I would do a timeline so that his grace and sovereignty can be shown over the last decade of my life. Keep in mind this is God’s doing not mine, most of the time I had no clue what was going on or what was coming next. There are many exciting and fun things that have happened but there are also many sobering and painful experiences as well.

1998: after graduating high school I spent a year working 2 jobs and driving to L.A. 3 times a week to take classes in Music and Theatre at Fullerton College in CA. Life was exhausting and I was living for myself and to further my name. I told God one Sunday at a church service that I no longer wanted to live for myself that my life was not my own. I asked him to do what he wanted with it. A few months later I received a call from a group called Living Proof/Primary Focus asking me if I would be interested in this ministry, I wasn’t.  I realized later that day that I had prayed about an opportunity to serve others and be used by God, I realized that this was it.

1998-2001: I was hesitant about joining this group because at the time I wanted to be a professional actor. I couldn’t help but acknowledge that God brought this opportunity my way so I knew this is where I needed to be. I quit my jobs, school, and left my friends and family behind in CA. I traveled with this group for 3 years. During this time I learned how to depend on God because I was in a different school, church, or home every day. I learned that people are messy but so am I and we both need Christ. I learned that I can do a lot more than I think I can do and that perseverance is key.

2001-2005: it was never really a desire of mine to get a college degree because academics had always seemed stale and cold to me.  My final year on Living Proof my director asked if I would be interested in auditioning for the team The Sounds of Liberty at Liberty University in VA. I knew nothing of the group or the school. I prayed that if God wanted me in college that he would get there. I received a call from the director of The Sounds about a month later offering me a spot on the group which would cover my tuition and room and board, shocked and overwhelmed I said yes. While at Liberty I gained a new respect and excitement for education and a desire to learn more about God, the Bible and the world around me. I learned that theology helps solidify my faith, that God’s hand can be seen throughout history, and that the Bible shows us the way things are.  I traveled to many churches and schools with Sounds and got to see the state of the Church in America today. I graduated in 2005 and tried to take the story into my own hands.

2005-2007: In my final year at Liberty I got into a relationship with a girl which became a very self seeking time. I was bitter and disgusted at some of the things that I had seen in the church, I was disappointed in myself, and I was not living to honor God. I don’t blame any of this on the relationship I was in, it was merely a reflection of the inward dark heart that I had at this time. I was working two jobs, I had no friends that were actively involved in my life, I was not growing spiritually and I was miserable. At the beginning of 2007 the relationship fell apart and so did I. I had based my hope and joy on a person which was not wise of me and was an unrealistic expectation on her.

2007-2009: I had no idea what to do next; I began to pray in a desperate way to God.  I am thankful for the mercy of God. He showed me that I had been trying to squeeze my story into his and that life doesn’t work that way. I realized that God was telling the story all along and that I need to listen and follow him in order to be to share in that story. Anything besides that was a dead life. There are many older men at this point in my life that mentored me and poured into me. I learned that I was not just saved from something but that I was saved to something, that God wanted me to be a missionary in my own culture and that as a member of Christ’s body I am an agent of change in the world. I learned that my time spent with God was crucial and non-negotiable. I also learned that I can’t do life alone, that I am in need of community and that being a part of a local church is vital. In 2008 I had the opportunity to lead worship and to write original worship songs for a new church plant in the area called Converge Church. I did this for a year and learned so much about myself and others and most of all God. As I grew close to the guys that started the church I realized that God had been leading me towards church planting and worship leading. In a week I will move to the Richmond area ready to live out the mission of Jesus. I am so honored that God would allow me to be a part of building his kingdom. I need more and more grace every day as he continues to bring me along in his story.

I have to be reminded of this constantly because every minute of the day I am caught up in lesser joys. I am convinced that the worst thing is not necessarily placing value on bad things but placing too much value on good things to where they take the place of the Best thing. I hope that makes sense somehow. Recently I have been challenged by the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30, before you read any further, read it here.

I have recently been changed because the giftings and abilities God has given me are finally lining up with the opportunities that he provides. The hard part now is staying focused on using it to build God’s Kingdom and realizing that every part of life is caught up in that.

I recently listened to a Matt Chandler message (as i often do) on this passage, I would strongly urge you to do the same as I think it is very encouraging. These are the moments that challenged me:

“As natural abilities begin to grow and become visible to the world around us opportunities come, opportunities intrinsically belong to God, they are given based off natural ability. The more natural ability you have the more opportunity you have. They were given to us not for our own use and our own gain but for the gain of the Kingdom. This text is about what you do with the opportunities that come your way based off the gifting that Christ gifted you with.

This is talking about how we see the world. How do we see the world? Do we really see that this is light and momentary and that there is a future glory coming? Do we see our money as not being ours but rather as money for the Kingdom to fund the Kingdom and to do good eternally? Do we see our opportunities, our free time, our Saturdays as a way to build the Kingdom?

What do you really value? What do you really treasure? What are you really after? Don’t tell me Jesus, don’t give me the church answer. Look into your heart, look into your wallet, and look into how you use your time. They’ll betray you or they’ll convince you. In the end God is after your joy, he is not honored in begrudging submission. The only way to have that kind of joy is to walk in freedom. The only way to walk in that kind of freedom is to live life with an open hand.”

I don’t know much else to say after that. This causes me to examine myself and then seek God and ask for help. I hope it does that for you too.

So I am reading a Bill Hybels book right now called Holy Discontent. I am normally not a big Hybels fan but i like this book and it is helping me turn my deconstruction into something productive. In this specific chapter he is referencing a book written by Robert Quinn called Building The Bridge As You Walk On It. In the book Quinn mentions two different ways of living: normal and fundamental. (now this is not fundamental in the bible thumping, no dancing, mostly legalistic church way):

“‘When we accept the world as it is, we deny our ability to see something better, and hence our ability to be something better. We become what we behold. To remain in the normal state is ultimately to choose slow death.’ The normal state is so self seeking that you can spin your wheels for a lifetime and never once impact the world around you. In the fundamental state, however, people care so much about getting results that they begin to move and breathe in a totally different realm. Thy operate with intentionality. They act with massive doses of enthusiaism and persistance. They surrender their ego because they simply can’t afford their pride. They open themselves up to any and all new ideas and forms of input-regardless where those suggestions come from. People who operate in a “fundamental” state of mind concentrate at higher levels and focus more intensely because the goal they’re pursuing demands it. They take risks they wouldn’t normally take..because they have to- there’s too much at stake not to! Their creativity kicks up a notch. Their energy soars. Their passion swells.”

It seems to me that those who operate in the “fundamental” state are the ones who are following the mission of Jesus instead of looking for ways to squeeze him into “what i want to do with my life”.

It made me think of something Jesus once said, “Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.”- Luke 17:33

am i allowed to say that? it really is true though. i don’t know whats best for me. i depend on God’s direction daily.

on his way back from talking with the woman at the well Jesus was hanging out with the disciples. they were urging him to eat and he told them “i have food to eat that you don’t know about.” i can just imagine some of them talking amongst themselves trying to figure out where he had stashed his food.

Jesus told them”my food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work.”- John 4:32-34
now i know at this point most people start thinking “well this is Jesus we are talking about here i mean he was God and so thats why he says things like that.”

sure thats true, but he was a man, he breathed air, he worked a job, he got angry, he laughed. i truly believe that Jesus came not only to die and rise again so that we could live but also to set an example for how we are to live.

“God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.”- Colossians 1:27-29

mature in Christ. is this attainable? most Christians believe that they will be glorified and made like him once they are caught up and leave this life. rightfully so if you read Philippians 3:20-21.

i think that Christ wants to start that process of making us like himself now. this is tough because everything we are surrounded by is opposed to what he lived for. some days are better than others but as Christians i believe that this is how God shows his glory.

Jesus was so focused on the work that God had for him “the son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the father doing. For whatever the father does, that the son does likewise.” - John 5:19

i have work to do that God prepared for me. may i be so connected to the father that i do what he does, that i love what he loves, that i think about what he does.

This past Christmas/New Years I flew out to California to visit my family. Before every plane takes off the flight attendant always goes through the emergency plan in case something happens. Normally I don’t pay attention because I have heard it a ton already. For some reason this time I was listening. While explaining the oxygen masks and how to use them she said this, “Please secure your own mask before assisting others.”. Most people would hear those words and think, “How selfish”. If you think about it, its a wise statement, how are you going to help anyone if you can’t breathe yourself? This of course got me thinking that I need to apply this in other areas of my life as well.

I have nothing to offer anyone if do not first take time away. This is not selfish, it is preparation and if you are a Christian you are always thinking of ways that you can prepare yourself to be used by God in the lives of others. I have found personally that if I don’t spend time in the presence of God away from people that I do not have a way of building others up and pointing them towards God’s purposes. I must be saturated with His word, filled with His Spirit and confident of the mission that He has set before me.

Do I always succeed? No. Do I continually keep pursuing? Always.

One thing that I have been learning is how to listen to God, through His word, through circumstances, through silence. So when I say time away, I’m not just talking about “devotional” time or “bible study” as valuable as those are. I’m talking about quality time with Jesus, just sitting and listening to him and talking to him as we must do in any quality relationship. I don’t know about you but I don’t recall ever going out to lunch with a friend and then sitting and reading the book that they wrote while they are sitting there waiting to talk to me. I know that is a drastic comparison and I am not diminishing the effect that Scripture has on our lives, but I want to remember that it is my goal to know God more and more and to share my life with Him.

I believe that by knowing God we come to know ourselves and we also come to know others and see them as God sees them. So don’t forget to guard that time that you spend with God, you really are helping others when you help yourself to God.

I have spent a good portion of my Christian life as a Church connoisseur (for those who only speak American…a critic of churches). I have observed the style, the music,the pastor, the people, the culture that is created, etc. I have seen churches all over the country, of many denominations and many theological backgrounds.

I have to admit that for the most part my attitude was “relate to me, give me something to hold on to” and not one of a servant who wanted to further God’s Kingdom. I was wrong to have that attitude and I have since come clean with God about that. I did observe much though and it did leave an impression on me. The biggest impression was this: the local church has lost touch with the goal of God and in doing that we have become ineffective in being agents of change in people’s lives.

This brings me to my notes from class today. I am in a class called WRSP 540 Current Issues in Worship and we get to learn about some great things (really not as much about Worship as it is about the Church and our role in it).

“Spiritual transformation is any significant and lasting transition in your life wherein you switch from one substantial perspective or practice to something wholly different that genuinely alters you at a very basic level. Transformation is seizing a new perspective or practice related to the seven passions of the Acts 2 church and never being the same again. Transformation defines who you are at a fundamental spiritual level, and your lifestyle is realigned according to that part of your being that was finally awakened to the things of God.”

Wow! sounds great right? Can it really happen? I hope so. This past year I have been involved in two such opportunities, one exists to be and give leadership to things like this and the other exists to be this. Since I have experienced this, my life has been completely altered and i seek God in a different way to find out how He wants me to live out the story that He is telling.

This past Sunday night a group of us obeyed God’s call to start a transformational community here where we live called conVerge, 112 people came. I pray that God shows them that He wants so much more from them than just coming to a service. I pray that lives are changed and because of those lives being changed other lives are changed and that the cycle just keeps flowing.

More on this later….